Being myself 

People call me weird, stupid , problem , bored and the list goes on .  I get call these name just because I don’t follow the way on how the world see it . Most of the times I don’t fit in but I was told ,  if I want to fit in I have to be like the majority. But why? Why can’t I be myself and be part of the society.  Why I have to follow to crowd just to get notice. It just kind of heart broken that I can’t be me and still be part of a group. I just hate I have to drink alcohol, do illegal drugs , party , wear makeup to look pretty and the list go on. All I just want to be notice but on my own term. I just want to feel love, care for, have fun, be happy, do positive stuff and people say hey that a good idea. Instead I have to hold my mouth because of fear. I just want be outside of the box not inside the box. All I just want is to have people who be there for me and not pretend. 

Sad

It sad that you feel all alone.

 It sad when you think you know someone you don’t. 

It sad people say I’m here for you but don’t .

 It sad that the people you think who would support you always have an excused why not to do this or that . 

It sad people only think about surviving but not living. 

It just sad ………

Caring 

One thing I learn about caring for people , is that you end up hurting yourself.  In the end you end up all alone. Then you wonder why? When you look back , these people was just playing you.  It be so hard to trust people again .Cause in the back of your mind , you will be thinking would this happen again?  But the caring person still help and the cycle repeats again .

Rise up

Marcus Garvey,

Nelson Mandela, 

Errol Walton Barrow,

Martin Luther King Jr.

Viola Davis,

Shirley Chrisholm,

Rosa Parks.

Does any of these names sound familiar?
These are some names of men and women who had paved away for us,

There taught us to be confidence in ourselves,

Them show us that no matter the color of our skin,

We can be come great, 

There taught us to embrace the color of our skin ,

And the jet black hair which look like tar.

Them taugh us we can achieve anything,

Whether  it a politician, inventor, doctor you name it ,

We are equal.

But most of all , 

Them taught us to be strong and to be a proud black person.

And don’t settle for less.

My mom 

I miss having a mom around. Someone who will be there for you. Who be honest with you . And someone where you can have a long conversation. Someone who will give you their opinion without being judge. One thing, I realized that no one can replace your mom. Your mom have this special bond that developed with you from the time you was conceived. She knew when something is bothering you, she knows you’re secrets. Infact she can read you as a book without saying a words . Mom you might not the best in my eyes you was and will be always in my heart . Love you mom.

Me before You

Did you watch the picture me before you ? It such a wonderful picture. It about this man who was a wealthy investor who was born into wealthy home. One day while he was on way into the office he got hit by a vichicle and paralyze from his neck down . While paralyzed, his family hire different caretakers to take care of him but they are leave. Well except the last one, she need the money so didn’t have a choice. So she put up with his stubbornness but one day she over hear the parents arguing about if to still carry out his wish . That is , move him to a country in the next six months where he can legally died before the almighty need him to go. That is because he always in pain and he don’t see the need of living anymore. This is went the caregiver decide to do various activities that approve by his doctors and parent so he can feel like he living again  and be part of the society. And hope he change his mind .  Eventually it work and them fall in love but the man was still keeping his part of the bargain that is travel to a country where he legally died by doctors . People say it kind of self fish of him when I read the interviews. He should push her way and he shouldn’t kill himself. But here is my reviews . He was a young healthy man who had friends and can get any girl he feel like. He see himself has a man that when he ready to settle down will be able to provide for his family but he know now people will never accept him in a judge mental world. It be hard for him so he seclude himself into his house. But this one girl taugh him how to live again and how to have fun . Something he miss and she accept him for who he is . She never judge him infact she always pushing him . Although he enjoy her company and falling for her,  he know that he cannot be the half of the man she was looking for. So he try hard for her not to get attach because he know the deal at the end of six months. It not only him that think this so much people who have a disability think this way about love. Even if them find someone I assume them be always thinking I’m good  enough for this person? It not self fish it just people know how the society thinks . It kinda sad to say. 

Year in review 2016

This year is soon finish,  I excited about it. I just hope I can get my act together and make 2017  productive and interesting year. This year taught me alot. It taught me the job market is very competitive  and also people’s would also discriminate you on so much ground before them gives you a job. Hopefully 2017 is much better in finding a job. It taught me about friends and family.  When you think you have friends,  you don’t. People would use you to get through in life and turn around treat you  invisible.  The same as family , them supposed to be your pilar of strength but because you not on the same level as them you be outcast. One thing I learn when you don’t have a job people treat you differently.  Them think oh it cannot happen to them and put it back into your face. I learned that people think it ok to lie just to make the other party feel happy, although them disagree just to fit into the circle. I’m not going lie I just saw so much fake friends to other people this year and people think oh that is my friend.  But people pretend so well. I learn to be strong and have patience,  I’m not going lie most nights I get very emotional and that when I need someone to talk to or I just be there. I realized what I’m going through is long and lonely road . And people prefer to be with you through the happy times but not the bad times. I guess that is why so much marriage and relationships break up occurs. Everything wasn’t bad actually from that I learned a lot. Although, it was rough patch I enjoy my island by going site seeing unfortunately it not fun going places by yourself but I enjoy it . I love nature. I had open another blog which deal with science. That is my baby,  it still young but writing about science just make me happy. I had a friend who give me input on some of the contents it was great. It show my at least one person believe in me and my talent. I learn so much more about science than in a classroom while researching.  I miss doing science.  For 2017,  is in for ride. I know it going be an interesting year.  My main goal is to get a job so  I be  able to carried out other goals and be happy. Sometimes you have to be at your lowest and be by yourself to see your journey.