Motivation

The word motivation is a strong word,
The word courage is the driven force,
To complete the reaction is life,
Life can be irreversible or reversible reaction.
Since there is no straight arrow for life.
Sometimes you have to ask the three best friends?
How, why and where?
But then came the reactions or conditions,
strangers , friends and motivational videos,
who just gives a listening ear, advise or a pick me up,
hoping that reaction will be endothermic,
and not exothermic.

I miss my mom

I hate weekends , it the two hardest days of the whole week. You see the house be so quiet , it just feel lonely without her. You could hear a pin drop. I missed her laughter, yes my mom always laughing no matter what she be laughing, her theory was there someone out there that cannt laugh tonight because they fighting for life or not be able to wake up in the morning. I guess this is where I got my laughing from although I dont know the last day I had a real laugh.The way she tell her stories ” Girl I have classic for ya ” smh. I mean my mom always have a story to tell sometimes I wonder, where does she get them from but them be funny. My mom was a people person dont mind she only had one childhood or close friend but still she make time for other people especially as she call them her oversea people from high school. I miss coming home of hearing my mom voice asking me how was my day at school ? How was the test? or just some day just bitching about what went on during day, and yup I had to much of those day and still to do . I wilL just talk until my mom would okay now stop talking that enough for night. it used to make me feel better now it just big void, people always ask why you always tired? That because I be up doing work at 1 or 2 in the morning,I feel much better doing it around that time than around 8 to 2. it  just remind me of my mom , she was like my study partner.

My mom was my greatest motivator, she the one that encourage me no matter how hard it is. Her dream was to see that I make something of myself because of the rough upbringing she had. Most of my schooling my mom was there for me the failures and the success , she saw it all but  my mom make it so easy , she always say I am so hard to figure out lol but i guess as she come to end of her life she had figure me out. What keep me good was my last conversation with my mom, knowing me , my mom know I am a hard person to get through and very competitive person and I guess she saw that I giving up on my dream I had since was 7, that is the graduate university and my other dream which I had found around the age 16 is to be a medical / computer scientist  , well medical scientist won over computer scientist. Most days when  it hard I always remember my last conversation my mom said to me “stay in university, be focus , get my grades up , dont worry about fees and finish university”. Although my mom not here it will be a honor to finish university , the degree had start out as ours but it end up as mine but it still your mom. The bachelors  will always be your while the masters will be mine.

Another thing I miss about my mom is putting herself before others, I always taught my mom was doctor, nurse, social worker or something of that sort. She was always helping someone , I remember asking her,  mom you always helping others but no one does help you or us? Her reply was dont worry about that god would bless us. Although she always helping someone, she always find time to lime or relax or whatever you call it. To tell you the truth I admired people who find time to relax because for me that a no no. My mom was trying for years to get me relax and up to this day the word relax is not in dictionary lol.

I miss my mom , no matter it over a year . It never get easier, we had dreams, hopes and aspirations….. the list could on .

Can you see it?
Can you smell it?
The beauty of living in the countryside.
The lush green grass moving from side to side,
The birds singing a sweetly sound to my ears,
The beautiful view looking over the valley ,
What a breath taking view.
The fresh crispy smell from the morning dew,
Yup I can smell it.
The warm sun that hit my face
The wind that whisper through my ears
Can I want anything better than that?
The life of the countryside

Wonder

As I sit here,

I wonder

would I ever make it?

It so hard like a rock ,

the road so long  ,

I just feel like giving up .

Would this early morning and late night studying would pay off.

But who said the road to success would be easy?

There will be days and nights of feeling depress, anger and crying .

Even loss of some friends because of this “illusion” that you have in your mind,

That you call success.

As you climb the  ladder to success

you would wonder ,

How the hell did  I get here?

But it call perseverance,

motivations or the kinds words of strangers , true friends and family.

One day you would say,

I made it .

Summer 2014

Summer 2014 has come to an end. it was one emotional , fun and relaxing vacation. It was the first summer I had ever spend without my mom, those who follow my blog would know my mom had passed away at the end of last summer. This summer had taught me a lot, it teach me that once I believe in myself I can be good or successful once I put my mind to the task. Not only that, what keep me going was my mom words , “Follow your dreams, hard work is the key to life, hard work pays off ”  and also the few friends I have, they encourage me so much. As we pursuit our dreams in various fields or careers, I hope we could remain friends no matter where we are on the globe, it could be Japan, China, Canada, England or stay in our home country, you name it. I hope we remain friends even it just a phone call away. 

This summer I had to do summer school, at first I was sad but I am happy that I did the course.  The course, that I did push me closer to finishing university and towards my goals of becoming of who I would like to be in life. At first , I was vex because the lecture always calling on me to answer a question or something of the sort nearly ever week but I am happy the lecture did that. I guess the lecture had see my potential and what I am capable of doing. With that being said I had gotten a C+ overall and A- in final exam after all hard work payoff. 

Summer is a time, where you let down your hair  and have a great time but for those who know me,  fun and relaxing is not in my dictionary lol . Like really I have too much to worry about, than to have fun and relax. But a friend is who taught me it okay to have fun and relax with out feeling guilty . Actually, it did felt great thanks you.

Well now it back to books to continue what my mom had started, which was my mom and I dream. Which is now my dream.

Goodbye summer 2014 thanks for being so kind to me, until next summer 2015 . God willing